Winter roundup, Vol. I

Since it's too damn cold to go out and shop, like I should be doing ...

Congratulations to Venus Williams, who earned her associates degree after 8 long years. It's a good thing, too. Someone like her, who already has an interior decorating company, a discount clothing line, and also happens to be Venus Williams, definitely needs a degree. I can just see her applying for a job at Vogue before now: Anna Wintour looking at her resume under her nose, "Ms. Williams, dahling, I don't know. No degree, no job." Yeah.

The drama continues with Anna-Lena Groenefeld and her ex-coach, whom she alleges has given her opponents advice on how to beat her. Groenefeld used to be number 14 in the world until she dumped Mr. (and I use the term loosely) Rafael Font de Mora. The ensuing chaos, including a lawsuit, caused her to gain some unwanted poundage, which helped settle her to number 204 in the world, where she now sits. Anyway, de Mora offers up a priceless gem regarding Groenefeld's accusation: "If people come to me, I’ll tell them how to play her. But I’m not going after players to tell them how to play her. Besides, she’s so fat it’s not difficult to beat her. With all those kilos, she cannot play." Very nice. I thought there was some kind of rule requiring people in litigation to keep their mouths shut. He's like the coach version of "Fatal Attraction." Well, Meghann Shaughnessy, I'd hide my bunnies if I were you, just in case.

"Andy and I have been married fifteen years, and I said to him just the other day that I feel closer to him now than ever. I mean, it's different. It's not the goose bumps-passion-fireworks kind of thing. It's more like knowing he's a keeper. And I just know that I'm going to grow old with him." That's Chris Evert on her now ex-husband, Andy Mill. You know, it's easy to say you're going to grow old with someone, but what do you do when hair starts growing out of his ears? Anyway, Evert's now preparing to grow old(er?) with Greg Norman. Mill, though, is probably a bit miffed by this announcement, since he says he once considered Norman his best friend. Well, Andy, best friends are supposed to share everything.

Apparently, there's still tennis going on. David Nalbandian, who ended the regular season on a tear, won the Copa Argentina. Big news for him, no doubt. The bigger item: Who would have thought that Buenos Aires had a Lawn Tennis Club?