1. Do they give out Oscars in France for sports coverage? I'm wondering, because it's a little too artsy-fartsy, doncha think? What in the hell, France? Listen, the last thing I need to see while I'm trying to watch a match are the charcoal renderings of Maria Sharapova and Ana Ivanovic floating in the freaking clouds. And then the Matrix-like effects of a player sitting on a changeover is just ridiculous. You know, we wouldn't be averse to just seeing a tennis match straight up, without the bells, whistles and crazy camera angles.
2. The next time The Tennis Channel plans on showing Ilie Nastase mooning the crowd, they're gonna need some kind of warning sign to flash on the screen. Might I suggest "Fat middle aged ass wrapped in tidy-whities coming up!" That's food I'm never getting back.