French Open 2025: "Such a hottie."

Hey, sorry I'm late. Just finished chain-smoking my way through the Naomi Osaka/Paula Badosa first round at the French Open. But it's OK -- it was those little cute French cigarettes in the movies. I also ate a whole baguette.    

There should be some type of rule when you're putting draws together. Like, if you have two great players who are trying to re-establish their foothold on the game, and they get paired for a first or second round match, you gotta start the draw over. There is no world where it's fair that these two had to play each other right away. They deserved better but that stadium of spectators got their money's worth. 

The tennis was exciting to watch, but as a mere mortal who plays tennis, it is actually a little encouraging to see pros do things that you have also done. I can imagine that Osaka is going to see that game point Badosa had at 3-4 in her sleep for a while. She had Badosa outmaneuvered and pushes the backhand up the line just wide?! It was a game of margins, it seemed, for both players, except that the ball seemed to always be just out for Osaka. It's hard to say what, if anything, she did wrong at the end -- Badosa turned up the defense and set herself up better for closing shots. 

Tough loss for Osaka, but she'll be back. And it'd be nice to see Badosa stay healthy for the whole tournament, especially because her little corner of the draw looks really good for her!

Anyway, I also ended up stress eating another baguette and crying into my strong French roast yesterday watching the Rafael Nadal ceremony. I mean, you knew it was going to be an emotional rollercoaster. But the French went all the hell out. Matching shirts for the crowd? Bringing out the rest of the Big 4 on video, then in person?! The footprint on the court FOREVER?! Look, he deserved it and if I had any qualms, I'd say a bootyprint instead. Such a hottie. 

Speaking of the Big 4, it is hard to look at them and realize that one of these people were not like the others. I am not a person who likes shooing people into retirement. But I am just saying that Novak Djokovic might take something more from yesterday's ceremony. Like considering the idea that he had to get his 100th title at an ATP 250 tournament and beating Hubert Hurkacz in the final. Like losing to Matteo Arnaldi in Madrid. I am just saying.

P.S.: Yo, how is Yanina Wickmayer still playing Slams!? I ask this realizing her opponent is Victoria Azarenka, who is literally the same age. 

2025 Australian Open: Who Needs an Offseason?

NOTE: Edited to add, well, words!

Before we go any further, I just want to say Madison Keys. She looks amazing right now and she's looked pretty good in the warmups. We gotta keep her encased in bubble wrap between matches. 

For the guys, I've never been a fan of Reilly Opelka but he better work that Brisbane magic. 

Men's Draw

I didn't see too many first-round matches that got me excited, but now that play has started, big props to Kei Nishikori. I've been rooting for him since back in the day and his career has been waylaid by injury. And also Thiago Montiero, it seemed for a second. Nishikori was down match point against an opponent who is kind of like Jelena Ostapenko -- lots of firepower, shots that make your mouth drop open, followed by errors that simply didn't need to be made. Heck of a treat for round one, that's for sure. 

And, yes, I picked Opelka against Djokovic. Now, I've watched too many true-crime documentaries to ever let Opelka into my car, but I do think he can beat Djokovic again -- that wasn't a fluke. But it's not just Opelka's game -- Djokovic does look a step slower. Did he ever, like, recover from his knee surgery?

Women's Draw

Now. Here are some good first-round matches. Note the starred matches. Minnen v. Aiava was a good one. I feel for Victoria Azarenka. Like, when did Lucia Bronzetti learn to serve like that? Did I miss something? Probably yes, but dang! I expect Emma Raducanu and Ekaterina Alexandrova to be another good one. I watched Laura Siegemund v. Hailey Baptiste, expecting exactly what I got -- the battle of the inconsistents. It was entertaining, as those matches tend to be. But yikeys. And Osaka/Garcia just finished about five minutes ago in my corner of the world. I think Osaka is right there, man. Right on the edge of another breakthrough. She's missing consistency and might need more match play for that. But she is riiiiight therrrrre.

And of course, if the seeds hold up, I am planning on putting everyone and everything on mute to watch Keys v. Danielle Collins. Keys just looks effortless right now. The power and accuracy is just flowing off the racquet. Danielle is just sheer willpower, so that should be fun!

French Open 2021: The Women

 

So, I had a lot of fun filling out the women's draw. Here it is -- and a legend! 

Legend

*: How are we getting this match in the first round?! 

(sad-face emoji): I don't know. Given Venus' recent results, not seeing this year being that breakthrough into the second round against a seeded player. Sigh.

!: OK, yes, Sofia Kenin is ranked fourth, but is having a bit of a rough time of it. She gets Jelena Ostapenko in the first round? Where she gets an opportunity to develop a rhythm as the match continues, no doubt. Yikes!

Plus, Azarenka vs. Kuznetsova right out the gate?! 

(squiggly-face emoji): Kaia Kanepi and a seeded player in the first round. LOL

U.S. Open in Coronavision: OK, So, It Wasn't Bad

Before this tournament began, I questioned the wisdom of holding this tournament in one of the few countries that do not yet have this pandemic under control. I wasn't sure if I'd watch it with the same vigor as I would in normal times and I wasn't convinced it would last the full two weeks, especially with the early hullabaloo with Benoit Paire.
My willingness to watch started slowly, even with Venus Williams losing at the first hurdle (I mean, gurl). But as the draw shook out, there were some great match-ups and before I knew it, I was in -- checking scoreboards at work, firing up the laptop at home (including once eschewing a writer's group Zoom call that I still kinda feel guilty about) and genuinely entertained by the few late-night matches this tournament had to offer.
I wondered, and still do, what this tournament would have looked like with the full and capable cast -- Nadal, Halep, Andreescu, Federer. I thought that whoever won would have an asterisk next to their name. I don't think that's true now and it was actually unfair to suggest this.
Those who sat this one out did it for good reason and those who chose to negotiate the risks to play the U.S. Open did it for good reason. These decisions really are reflective of what we're all navigating every day, right? We're trying to protect ourselves and our loved ones and trying to be responsible and also trying not to go insane in our living quarters. That good reason looks different to all of us and nowhere was that more clear than the draws we got at the U.S. Open. This is as true-to-life a scenario we'll see in professional tennis, where even millionaires are left making the same choices as you and me -- do I go back to work? How? Is it safe? Is everyone else being safe? It's kind of wild when you think about it.
Anyway, sorry. About the tennis. It was good! It was great for young Americans. I once saw Shelby Rogers play live at a Fed Cup match (warning: if you're missing crowds, don't click this link) and I was underwhelmed. Well, she has completely revamped her game, cracking the hell out of her groundstrokes and mixing up her shots. I always thought her forehand swing looked a little funky, but as with any tennis swing, you do it long enough and it will begin to work for you. I actually missed that she'd beaten Serena Williams this summer already as well. And there was Jennifer Brady who seemed to me to always be on the precipice of a breakthrough in Slams. I mean, she beat the sauce out of Angelique Kerber and I was really concerned for Naomi Osaka during their semifinal for a minute.
That Victoria Azarenka v. Serena match? Did not see that result coming, but this is 2020 and we can say that about everything at this point. Seriously, that was some great tennis, and I'm not 100 percent convinced it was an injury to Serena that lost her that match. I really think she's got a mental block around this 24th slam title. Because I didn't think Azarenka did anything much different to turn the match around -- Serena gave an inch and Azarenka took a mile. It's not like she doesn't remember how to win.
(MINI RANT COMING) I would like everyone to stop talking about women who are mothers playing each other now, please, NOW. Neither of these amazing athletes referenced about, and not Tsvetana Pironkova, either. I have never heard any commentator on any channel anywhere ever say that a Federer vs. Djokovic match was a battle of the dads. And I wouldn't care. Listen, I'm a mother. I get that we do it all. This isn't news. We are not gathered around our computer screens to observe them giving out tips for diaper rash. They are there to work and we are watching them work. So stop it. Just NO MORE (end of MINI RANT)
Whew. I feel better. Anyway, Naomi Osaka is the bomb and is still socially super awkward and I love it. I know I just mentioned Serena giving an inch, and I think the same happened with Azarenka in the final against Osaka, but the difference in the final was that Osaka's level went way up. Azarenka didn't tank, she just leveled out. She wasn't this solid when she won the U.S. Open in 2018 and she was never even really in trouble in that final. She has matured and what I personally am waiting for is to see her at her best against Bianca Andreescu at hers because that rivalry is the future of women's tennis and it's going to be amaze-balls.
Speaking of the future of tennis and why that phrase is overused, let's move on to the men's final, in which one of the participants, Alexander Zverev, noted that it would be a great match because it would be a showdown of the two best players in the world.



So Zverev has a history of his mouth writing checks that he can't cash. But. He came out on Sunday and quickly took two sets off Dominic Thiem, who I was rooting for, but I wasn't feeling invested. (I mean, if we're speaking freely, it has been a while since I've seen a legitimate ass on a white guy. Thiem's ass is, like, solid.) The thing is, I was watching and thinking, what is Zverev really doing here that is so special? I felt like I've seen Thiem play that well, and even better, before. Sure, a lot of it can be the heaviness of the moment -- both were playing for their first major title. Well, that question got answered when Thiem came back and forced a fifth set.
OK, so, if you're a tennis player or are playing league tennis, this fifth set might have been particularly gratifying. You know how you start decelerating through your shots as you approach the end of a close match? How your legs stop moving and you're mentally shouting at yourself to come on, just get the second serve anywhere, anywhere in the box? That was the fifth set of the men's final and it's just good to know that even when you become a professional, you are still prone to figuring out how to finish a match with your racquet wrapped around your neck. So, in that sense, knowing that anyone can and will choke makes me feel better in general.
But really, Thiem did come back and earned that win. He got a lot of help from Zverev, but he did it. And I did not expect to feel bad for Zverev, but when he gave his speech, I may have teared up.
Having said all of this, yes, this is a nice preview of the future of men's tennis and once both of them have mastered their nerves, we'll be in for treats. However, I could not believe my ears listening to commentators actually talking about the future being now and openly asking if this is the beginning of a shift. Hi. Two-thirds of the most dominant men in tennis right now did not play this tournament. When they do play tournaments, they usually win them. One of those men won this same tournament last year! What? No, it's not a shift yet. It'll be a shift when Rafa Nadal, Roger Federer and Novak Djokovic are legitimately standing in their way of a Slam -- and they bypass them. Just to clear that up because there appears to have been some amnesia happening.
OK, so that was more than I expected to have to say. It was good. I'm glad the players who came were able to bring back some semblance of normalcy to their lives. (Except for Kristina Mladenovic. Is she ... still sheltered in place?)

Last Slam on the Left: U.S. Open 2019 -- The Women

Well, looks like another boring women's draw, with nothing to look out for until the quarters. Ho hum.
OK, you know I'm just playing. Before we continue, I am declaring this blog a Serena 2018-free zone for the next two weeks after this paragraph. ESPN made a documentary about last year's women's final. Like, last week. Guys. All of us had something to say about it in the moment (including me), but that was last year. And now, everyone's crying "rigged draw," presumably some sort of payback for last year? The last thing I'll say is the other reporting out of this situation suggested that Carlos Ramos will no longer be allowed to chair Serena's matches. This bothered me for a moment -- he called a code violation that later was on the up-and-up, so why is he being penalized? But then, it occurred to me that perhaps the person most excited about the prospect of never having to call a Serena Williams match again might be ... Carlos Ramos.
OK! Let's get into it!

Early Rounds to Watch

Serena Williams v. Maria Sharapova: OK, Serena stans who think this draw is rigged. Who here thinks Maria Sharapova can beat Serena Williams? I wanna see hands. No hands. Exactly. I will be watching this of course because there's history here, and off-court drama but this will be a straightforward match and there's no previous recent history to suggest otherwise. If Serena's back is still a problem, y'all do know she'd quit before she went out and had to lose or retire to Sharapova, right?

Aryna Sabalenka v. Victoria Azarenka: Now here is a match that is a tough call. I like Sabalenka, but Azarenka is starting to play some good early-round tennis in recent tournaments. I think this will be the second-most entertaining first-round match we'll see, close behind

Garbine Muguruza v. Alison Riske: See, Serena stans? It could have been a LOT worse. Like, how the heck is Muguruza, in her current form, supposed to beat Alison Riske, who had a way better Wimbledon than most would have expected, and is probably feeling pretty good about herself?

Angelique Kerber v. Kristina Mladenovic: Kerber has also been shaky this summer. Good thing Mladenovic has been shaky for about a year and a half.

Who Are Our Quarterfinalists?

Why is Sabalenka in red? I kinda like this draw for her, even with Osaka in her quarter. I kinda think she could win the whole tournament. But it's crazy to think that because she does not have an easy draw. My spidey sense says that Sabalenka is waiting for people to stop tipping her for winning tournaments so she can play with less pressure again. But I could be wrong, so why not highlight a horrendous calculation for the world to see?
Man, Serena has a tough quarter down there at the bottom. There's Kerber, who has no problem beating Serena at a major and Ash Barty. Let's not forget Su-Wei Hseih -- that's a three-hour match right there.

Who's Going to Win?

The more I think about this Sabalenka pick, the more I wonder if there's loose glue around here I might have been sniffing. But it could happen. Maybe? I think I might need a backup pick

AO'19: The Women

My biggest takeaway is that the Serena/Halep quarter is loaded. But at least Serena can be grateful for the fact that Ekaterina Makarova isn't in her half.

via GIPHY

Anyway, the draw:

Yeah, so I blindly chose Kiki Bertens to win the Australian before the draws came out. Then I filled out the draw and ... I can't see her getting through her half? Sloane Stephens is there. Aliaksandra Sasnovich is there. Angelique Kerber. So we'll see. But clearly I went with Sloane Stephens.
First-round matches:
Simona Halep v. Kaia Kanepi: This seems unfair. What's the point of being the top seed when Kaia "Walking Dead-bandages" Kanepi is the first face you see when you get on court?
Laura Siegemund v. Victoria Azarenka: This should be a good one. I think Azarenka will win, but I wonder if even she believes she's Slam-run ready.
Belinda Bencic v. Denise Siniakova: Ah, Belinda. I'm concerned.
Monica Niculescu v. Amanda Anisimova: Just mentioning because I think this will be fun to watch. Niculescu is fun to watch, but if you played anyone with that skill set in your league, you'd basically accuse her of cheating.
Maria Sakkari v. Jelena Ostapenko: Man. Who knows.
Kirsten Flipkens v. Sasnovitch: Good test for Sasnovich, because Flipkens also has an annoying game.

The Attitudimeter: It's All Uphill From Here

It looks like the Attitudimeter is malfunctioning this week, because it seems that nothing good happened in pro tennis, except Roger Federer playing tennis in a kilt. Alas, the ATP Finals are this week, so it can only go uphill from here. Unless their draw ceremony also included some light sexism. Anyway, let's do this thing:

Who's down

Victoria Azarenka's ex

Normally, I wouldn't delve into tennis players' personal lives unless it involved winning a Grand Slam while pregnant, but here is exception No. 2. This guy. I mean, fine. It didn't work out. That happens. You both love your child and both of you want custody. What are the levels of petty required to refuse to allow the mother of your child to travel for work because you want custody? You could figure this out in the offseason. You could let your baby mama work so she can afford to support little Leo (and let's be honest, buddy, you too, ex), but no.

The ATP Next Gen Finals

It's a good idea, I guess. Pit the young talent against each other, ATP Real Finals-style. They're good, but not ready for prime time. Sounds good. But what doesn't sound good, given the social climate these days, is doing your draw presentation with female models who have to remove their clothes to reveal the (male) player's group:

The ATP NextGen Milan draw ceremony made players select models to determine their groups. Stunningly uncomfortable, cringeworthy and trashy. pic.twitter.com/g63OfK5IOK

— Ben Rothenberg (@BenRothenberg) November 5, 2017

That was just how it started. This tournament was supposed to be an experiment in making tennis a little less tennis-y. For example, a shot clock between points, no-let, no-ad scoring and four-game sets. Yeah, I'm been here before, so I'm not going to get my blood pressure up ranting about this anymore. I will just simply say that if you don't like tennis, then go watch another sport and let the rest of us who like tennis enjoy tennis. How's that?

The Belarus Fed Cup team

I could only find the Fed Cup final online and they were not speaking English, but I would really like to know what those girls were sniffing on changeovers and if it's legal.

Because that doesn't look legal.
I guess you have to give it up for this team, because they managed to make it to the finals, despite the absence of Victoria Azarenka all year. This is how you know it wasn't an Olympic qualifying year. This one girl, whose name is Aryna Sabalenka, strongly resembles Andy Roddick both in appearance

and in horrific net game. I mean, watch this:



and then this



Having said all of that, they took it the distance and if this girl wasn't such a terrible volleyer, they probably would have won Fed Cup.

The U.S. Fed Cup team

The U.S. Fed Cup team really did go the distance against a team of no-name players from Belarus, even though they brought a Grand Slam champ and a semifinalist. They brought guns to a knife fight and the Americans somehow nearly bled out. I watched the final match in its entirety because I could barely believe how bad it was. The Belarusian girls played their ranking throughout, while Sloane Stephens, who just won the U.S. Open, basically donated her singles matches. Coco Vandeweghe, who is normally one of the cockiest players I've ever seen, looked like she couldn't handle life in the doubles rubber. And then there was Shelby Rogers celebrating an opponent error like she just won the Publisher's Clearinghouse. It was something to behold.
Actually, it wasn't.

But Are We, Though?

Here's how I found out Maria Sharapova was getting a wild card into this year's U.S. Open:

Blessed by none other.
Sure, she gets butts into seats. Sure, she's pretty and is actually good at tennis. Guess what else is true? The reason her ranking is so low is because she just had to serve a drug ban! Not only that, but for someone who sure looks like she tried to hide that she was taking meldonium for 10 years, she has been awfully unrepentant about her time in the penalty box! I mean, a wild card at a major?!
Ugh. That's all I have to say about that.
OK.
No, it's not. One of my favorite all-time tennis writers, Jon Wertheim, pointed out that, "Wild cards fly in the face of fairness." He noted that Vicky Duval, the young chipmunk-looking (meant in the nicest way) American who had been fighting lymphoma, has to qualify. That stinks. She's an American and it's the U.S. Open!
Yeah, right, I know. She wasn't likely to win the U.S. Open and maybe Sharapova is more likely to do that. If Maria Sharapova wins the U.S. Open off a wild card because her ranking was too low to get in on her own merits because she had to stay off the court for a year and a half because of a drug ban, then I think I am missing how that's good for tennis.

In other news, Rafael Nadal is going to be the world No. 1 next week. It's 2017.

In even more other news, Caroline Wozniacki lost in another tournament final. 0-6 now, and zero sets won. Zero tiebreakers played. I watched this one -- against Elina Svitolina in Montreal and two things:
1. Svitolina's game is effective and super boring to watch. I don't know how that's possible, but here we are.
2. Wozniacki looked fine throughout the tournament until the final. She's down 1-5 and calls her dad down? (Also she appears to have poached Victoria Azarenka's old hitting partner, who was Serena's old hitting partner -- the ever-mobile Sascha Bajin) Her dad's talking, gesturing wildly. Caroline's nodding. Caroline goes out and loses the next game in about five minutes. This on-court coaching is VERY BENEFICIAL.

Oh, and I almost forgot about Azarenka. Listen, this nonsense her ex is pulling is ... not cool, to say the least. Anyone who didn't want to be a petulant jerk would let his ex and her (presumably) very responsible team go to work out-of-state without making it a court issue.
This sucks for Azarenka. I really thought she was in the relationship clear once she got rid of RedFootBlueFoot Foo. Dang.

Wimbledon '17: Musings from the First Week

So that was some week. Let's just dive right in:

• Here are my draws now. I haven't seen this much red since that one time I checked my bank account in college! 

• Minor point: Venus Williams has won Wimbledon five times -- and zero-times Grand Slam finalist Johanna Konta is now the oddsmakers' favorite to win Wimbledon. I. Am. Just. Saying. 

• I kinda can't believe Victoria Azarenka is still in this tournament. Same with Angelique Kerber.

• I have a pretty strong stomach, but I took one glance at Bethanie Mattek-Sands after she fell, and I closed the browser window. Best of luck to her.

• What am I missing? Why on earth, if you're Sloane Stephens, would you choose to play your first match in nearly a year at Wimbledon?

• Yo, if you can't get geeked up to play the most prestigious Slam in your sport's history ...

• I just also want to point out Head dropped Bernard Tomic as a sponsor for being honest at a press conference. Head also stood behind one of their sponsored athletes who got busted for taking a banned substance. *shrug*

• Damn, I hope Heather Watson wins a major in singles one day, for as close as she's come with the heavy hitters. Or at least Indian Wells.

• It's nice to see the American women step up at a major, not just the usual suspects. Shelby Rogers totally blinked and if she hadn't, she would have beaten the pants off Kerber. Cici Bellis stayed with Azarenka as long as could be expected. 

• During this tournament, I realized that my in-match tweets age about as bad as the average Trump tweet.