Last Slam on the Left: U.S. Open 2019 -- The Women

Well, looks like another boring women's draw, with nothing to look out for until the quarters. Ho hum.
OK, you know I'm just playing. Before we continue, I am declaring this blog a Serena 2018-free zone for the next two weeks after this paragraph. ESPN made a documentary about last year's women's final. Like, last week. Guys. All of us had something to say about it in the moment (including me), but that was last year. And now, everyone's crying "rigged draw," presumably some sort of payback for last year? The last thing I'll say is the other reporting out of this situation suggested that Carlos Ramos will no longer be allowed to chair Serena's matches. This bothered me for a moment -- he called a code violation that later was on the up-and-up, so why is he being penalized? But then, it occurred to me that perhaps the person most excited about the prospect of never having to call a Serena Williams match again might be ... Carlos Ramos.
OK! Let's get into it!

Early Rounds to Watch

Serena Williams v. Maria Sharapova: OK, Serena stans who think this draw is rigged. Who here thinks Maria Sharapova can beat Serena Williams? I wanna see hands. No hands. Exactly. I will be watching this of course because there's history here, and off-court drama but this will be a straightforward match and there's no previous recent history to suggest otherwise. If Serena's back is still a problem, y'all do know she'd quit before she went out and had to lose or retire to Sharapova, right?

Aryna Sabalenka v. Victoria Azarenka: Now here is a match that is a tough call. I like Sabalenka, but Azarenka is starting to play some good early-round tennis in recent tournaments. I think this will be the second-most entertaining first-round match we'll see, close behind

Garbine Muguruza v. Alison Riske: See, Serena stans? It could have been a LOT worse. Like, how the heck is Muguruza, in her current form, supposed to beat Alison Riske, who had a way better Wimbledon than most would have expected, and is probably feeling pretty good about herself?

Angelique Kerber v. Kristina Mladenovic: Kerber has also been shaky this summer. Good thing Mladenovic has been shaky for about a year and a half.

Who Are Our Quarterfinalists?

Why is Sabalenka in red? I kinda like this draw for her, even with Osaka in her quarter. I kinda think she could win the whole tournament. But it's crazy to think that because she does not have an easy draw. My spidey sense says that Sabalenka is waiting for people to stop tipping her for winning tournaments so she can play with less pressure again. But I could be wrong, so why not highlight a horrendous calculation for the world to see?
Man, Serena has a tough quarter down there at the bottom. There's Kerber, who has no problem beating Serena at a major and Ash Barty. Let's not forget Su-Wei Hseih -- that's a three-hour match right there.

Who's Going to Win?

The more I think about this Sabalenka pick, the more I wonder if there's loose glue around here I might have been sniffing. But it could happen. Maybe? I think I might need a backup pick

Coffee at Wimbledon: The Bonfire of my Wimbledon Draws

Welp, I had planned to take the middle Sunday off to update the ol' blog, reacquaint myself with my family and maybe do some laundry. But then I ended up spending the weekend teaching my son about rankings, seedings and women's soccer. Yes, of course we watched the U.S. team bring it home, which led to an awkward question from my son: What about the men's team?
Well, yeah, they play too ...?
I digress. I just finished watching Venus Williams and Francis Tiafoe stand around as groundstrokes and volleys whizzed by them in a second-round mixed doubles match. So while I'm wallowing in disappointment, let's talk about the trash that some of my predictions turned out to be.
But where to start with this first week? I think a countdown-styled approach is the right call!

No. 5 Moment that Torched My Wimbledon Draw:
Serena Williams making the quarterfinals: Yes, it is a bad idea to bet against Serena, no matter how jacked her footwork looks and how lackluster she looked at the French. But sure enough, as the other seeds toppled around her, she looks a little better with each match, although the surface has been giving her a little trouble:

You okay there, @serenawilliams 🤣#Wimbledon pic.twitter.com/Z4JgZEdRt1

— Wimbledon (@Wimbledon) July 6, 2019

I could watch that 100 times.
And to say the draw has opened up for her is an understatement. No more Angelique Kerber, no more Ash Barty and beyond, no more Petra Kvitova. Still, Alison Riske accounted for two of those seeds, which means she's a little dangerous, too. Am I picking against Serena again? My draw is still singed on the sides. No!

No. 4:
BARBORA STRYCOVA BARBORA STRYCOVA BARBORA STRYCOVA: (Does anyone remember how Kenny Smith used to say "Manu Ginobli" on the NBA pre- and post-game shows?)  She's got that me energy on a tennis court and I hope she wins a major in singles one day.

What do you think she said to Kristina Mladenovic after she hit that overhead at her? You know it was saucy.
Did not quite see her taking out Kiki Bertens and Elise Mertens, but whatever. Draw's ruined. It's fine. Really.

No. 3:
Naomi Osaka out in the first round: It is hard to believe that there is more pressure to be had out there than winning her first Grand Slam over a legend in some heated circumstances, or to back up that first Slam with a second one right away. But obviously there is, and Osaka isn't coping with it well. It's hard to watch her break down post-match. I also think she'll adjust and will figure it out.

No. 2:
Alexander Zverev out in the first round: This looks bad to begin with. But the idea that he is right now having to deal with a dispute with his former agent while he has a veteran -- Ivan Lendl -- as a coach? What?! Lendl can't be cheap, and he's got no advice, no people who can put a layer between Zverev and this drama during a major? What?!

No. 1:
Venus Williams out in the first round: Now, if you look at my draw, it's clear that I had some denial issues about what was going to happen for Venus at this tournament.

And I picked her winning over Cori "Coco" Gauff, but, well, it wasn't to be. I want to spend a little tiny amount of time on Gauff, because for a 15-year-old, it is obvious that she (1) grew up watching Venus and (2) that she's only going to get better. Yes, I saw her lose to Simona Halep already today, and it wasn't pretty, but she needs some legit weapons. She'll get there. But before that, she beat three very experienced players, and that win against Polona Hercog was more impressive to me than anything else she did. I say I'm going to spend a little time on Gauff because as excited as she makes me for the future of women's tennis, I hope we let her live. I hope that we remember that Jennifer Capriati was young, and talented -- and unprotected from fame and its pitfalls. I hope she gets to 18 or 19 at least before she's shackled with unreasonable expectations. But man, she's gonna be good! But everybody cool it, OK?

The U.S. Fed Cup team showed us that yes, you can win and be a loser

I already have fundamental issues about the way Fed Cup is handled. It's squeezed between other major tennis events across the world. Why not a Ryder Cup approach -- every other year in one location?
Well, this year's Fed Cup tie in Maui was threat-level 3 disaster. And if I were the German team captain, I'd default every time in the future I had to face the U.S. team. I'm talking about Williams sisters v. Indian Wells. Overreacting? Well, I don't know. Let's recap:
1. The Anthem situation:
The U.S. had its singer perform the wrong anthem before the opening of the tie. At first, I was like, "Well, that's a big whoopsy!" But then Twitter started losing it, and I realized: "Oh. Germany." It was the national anthem under Nazi Germany." And this guy is belting it like he's Pavarotti! The Germans in the crowd -- including the players -- were trying over sing over this dude singing an anthem that is essentially a humiliating slap in the face. Plus, given the events happening in the U.S. right now with ICE agents dragging immigrants out of their homes -- well, it just seems like worse timing than usual. Especially when there are currently some pretty powerful parallels being drawn between Nazi Germany and the current regime, er, administration here in America.
So, yeah, a disaster. Pretty bad on its face. It was compounded by the USTA's weak-ass apology and failure to explain how this fresh hell happened.

To the fans, too, geniuses.

2. Julia Goerges gets injured:
Like everything else about this weekend, this was completely avoidable. It had been raining most of the first day and during Goerges' match against Coco Vandeweghe, it had started to drizzle lightly again (AS HAD BEEN FORECAST, by the way). The German was down a set and was trying to fight off a 1-3 deficit when she slipped on the damp baseline and crumbled down in pain. After the rain stopped, officials brought the players back onto the court, but rightfully, the German team was like, "Hell no, wethinks." The next day, Goerges can't play. Knee injury. See, this is why we don't just roll the dice when it comes to court conditions.

3. Coco Vandeweghe is a petulant child who is so long overdue for a time-out that she has wet her diaper:
There is a fine line between Tennis With Attitude and just Attitude with nothing to back up said attitude. Vandeweghe is a Grand Slam semifinalist one time over. One (1). On top of this anthem and injury issue, Vandeweghe showed no semblance of sportsmanship, especially not in the pivotal third match of the tie against Andrea Petkovic. Petkovic was up a set and a break when Vandeweghe decides she's got a cramp.
OK. OK.
She takes a long timeout for treatment and in so doing appears to completely rattle Petkovic. That's a mental thing, and a thing a veteran should not have fallen for, so that's on Petkovic, because she had a huge advantage in the match. Was Vandeweghe really sick? Well, she came back from this timeout and began crushing balls and flying all over the court. Every time she missed a ball, she pulled up lame. You know, the injury is why she missed.
OK. OK.
Even if you subscribe to the idea that Vandeweghe was really struggling out there, you would think that when she came all the way back to win the match, she would be a little more humble in her celebration. No. Nope. NO.
Instead, she crumpled to the court, sobbing, and the rest of the team mobbed her. Petkovic actually decided to walk over to this ridiculous celebration to shake Vandeweghe's hand, but sorry, Andrea. THEY'RE. NOT. DONE. YET. They're busy celebrating their teammate overcoming a cramp. A crAMP.
It's like everything about this weekend in Maui was tone-deaf. (Pun not really intended, but it's appropriate, right??) Because when Riske sent out a congratulatory tweet, well, people had some things to say:

Every second, Alison? Sigh.
Congrats, new Fed Cup Captain Kathy Rinaldi. You've got some class on your hands.